I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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