and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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