One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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