Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
