U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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