her vagine was all disorganized.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
