I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
