She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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