how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
