True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
