Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
