His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
