He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
