pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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