I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
