Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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