How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
