I think i peed on brittanys purse
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
