So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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