Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
