how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
