...so i touched it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
