So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize