Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize