I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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