I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
