glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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