dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize