I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
