I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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