I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize