And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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