How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
