I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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