Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
