I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
