4 words: hood of his car
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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