can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
