i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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