Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
