omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize