hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
