She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did i walk over a car last night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
