i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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