Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
