I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
