..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
