I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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