ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
