i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
