My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize