Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
