Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
