So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
