people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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