i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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