i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
