So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
