i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
