if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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