The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
