Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
