My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
