I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
