I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
