I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
