My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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