Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
