i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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