I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
