He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
