kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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