she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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