i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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