saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just gargled with NyQuil
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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