she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize