i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
