Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
