It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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