i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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