i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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