What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
