shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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