just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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