my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
