he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
