Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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