I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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