This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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