1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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