I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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