she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
