so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
