Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
