I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
