He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
