why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Randomize
